


Take the Stick Out of Your Ass

by danimagus



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bad Flirting, Bottom Hermann Gottlieb, Getting Together, LISTEN the drumstick is purely coincidental, M/M, Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Porn With Plot, emotions? we got em, improper use of musical equipment, not crack somehow, overtones of exhibitionism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:27:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23673820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/danimagus/pseuds/danimagus
Summary: Hermann was not waiting for Newton to leave the lab so he could stick a drumstick up his ass.Absolutely not.
Relationships: Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb
Comments: 21
Kudos: 103





	1. Yearning

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE read the reddit post this is based on right now, before you read the fic, you will NOT regret it!!! It's the cultural literary work of our generation and it's exquisite: https://www.reddit.com/duplicates/17c8oa/i_23m_just_discovered_prostate_stimulation_and_i/
> 
> Also I'll seem less like a lunatic if you have the context.

It was 6:54 p.m. on a perfectly normal, average and unremarkable Thursday evening, and Dr. Hermann Gottlieb simply could not get himself under control.

Hermann had spent the last 13 minutes with the end of his pen between his teeth, gnawing it furiously, trying to avoid looking at both the clock and his lab partner and failing terribly on both accounts.

His good leg was bouncing non-stop, fingers rapping against his desk in a motion that would have made him furious if Newton had been the one making the racket.

Trying to read over his notes had proved utterly fruitless, as the words kept sliding off the page in his haze.

He put down the notes for the day, took a deep breath in and focused on the paperclip sitting on the edge of his desk. He wanted to look at the clock, but he would not do it.

Patience was truly a virtue he had not mastered.

He wanted so badly to look at the clock.  _ He would not look at the clock. _

Hermann looked at the clock. 6:55 p.m.

His heart leapt in his chest. “Newton shouldn't you get ready to leave soon?” Hermann said, far too loudly.

Newt gave him a look. He was, at that moment, already removing his gloves and goggles. “Way ahead of you, dude,” he casually slung his lab apron over his chair, bouncing all the way to his room and shut the door with him inside it.

Hermann breathed a heavy sigh of relief. The waiting game was almost over. 

Soon, Newton would be more than an arm’s reach away from him for the first time since last Thursday.

Sweet privacy, at last.

Though, he mused over the comically loud rustles and crashes coming from Newt’s quarters, he supposed the next bit was his favorite part of this little weekly tradition.

Newt tumbled out of his quarters, leather jacket donned, hair tousled up, clunky hipster boots laced up and double knotted. That black button-up shirt was just a little too tight for him and Hermann felt light-headed.

He rarely ever got to see Newt dressed up in his Thursday best for more than the walk from his bedroom door out the lab. He fought the rather ridiculous impulse to swoon like a teenager.

“Well?” Newton asked with a cheeky grin, “How do I look?”

Hermann felt his lower lip tremble imperceptibly. He shrugged and decidedly turned back to his work before responding, “Passable.”

Newt laughed easily, grabbing his keys off his own desk. “I’m off, then. Don’t wait up for me.”

“I never do,” Hermann sniffed.

He could feel Newt roll his eyes without even looking.

Newt reached the threshold of the door, coat in one hand, handle in the other when he stopped. “You know, you could come with me. If you wanted to.”

Hermann furrowed his brows. As pleasant as it was to be in the company of a well-dressed and objectively attractive man, he was beginning to remember why he was so hasty to get Newt  _ out _ in the first place. “Do I look like a ‘weekly poker night’ kind of person to you, Dr. Geiszler?”

Newt was looking at him carefully, “It was just a suggestion.”

“Well, thank you, but no thank you.” Hermann turned back to face his desk, “I have work to do.”

There was a beat of silence while Newt was not moving and Hermann could feel his eyes on the back of his neck. He cleared his throat.

He heard the shuffling of feet behind him as the lab door swung open and then clicked shut. And just like that, Newt was gone.

If Hermann was more of a sap, or perhaps a bit more honest with himself, he would confess to being somewhat saddened by Newt’s weekly absence. But, as he was currently neither of those things, thank you very much, he would  _ not _ be indulging in anything of the sort.

After all, it was his Thursday night, and he was finally alone.

Hermann leapt to his feet, double-checking the lab doors to make sure they were completely closed, but not locked (far too suspicious), before speed-walking to his room and shutting the door behind him.

He’d laid the items out on his bed during his lunch break to save time, but seeing them now sent a thrill through Hermann. It was so open, so  _ dangerous _ . Even though in reality he knew no one but him ever even peered into his meticulously organized quarters, it still felt brazen.

All the necessary materials were laid out on the folded, freshly laundered towel on top of his bed: a small container of lube and a single drumstick.

It had all started with a routine trip to the med center, where PPDC employees were required to have their yearly check-up, and the large man checking up on Hermann had insisted it was time for his first prostate exam.

Hermann had never experienced that… particular sensation before, and in all honesty he was not looking forward to it. While Hermann was labouring under no illusions of heterosexuality - he was most assuredly gay, thank you very much - he’d never felt the inclination to journey into the world of prostate stimulation. It seemed like something that could too easily lend itself to Hermann’s embarrassment if it were done wrong. (Or, perhaps worse, if it were done  _ right _ .)

No sooner did the man’s gloved finger breach Hermann’s asshole than two things happened simultaneously and involuntarily.

One, Hermann got hard. Stupidly, ridiculously hard. Harder than he’s ever been in his life, possibly. It was like the man had flipped his ‘instant erection’ switch and in an instant he was bent over a medical table with a finger in his ass and an erection that could bend steel.

And two, which was by far the more embarrassing result, Hermann  _ moaned _ . Open-mouthed and loud. It was a filthy and indecent noise he hardly recognized as his own. 

He clamped his mouth shut quickly, but it was far too late. The doctor was chuckling behind him.

Hermann flushed. Once his pants were back around his hips, he mumbled what he hoped was a polite apology at the man as quickly as he could and left in a rush, still buckling his belt.

Based on the way the receptionist was stifling a giggle, he felt he could safely assume that his little  _ episode _ had been audible from the other side of the door.

Fantastic.

This was absolutely the most humiliating experience of his life, and he would be lucky if the news hadn’t spread around the lunchroom in the span of an hour. Horrifically, this thought only served to make his dick twitch in his pants.  _ Oh, you’ve caused enough trouble today,  _ he thought to himself.

He started making his way back to the laboratory, but something stopped him. If this had happened before the war, he would’ve shoved it in a box in his brain labeled “Do Not Think About” and hidden it away. But the world was ending. The world has  _ been _ ending for quite some time now, actually.

Hermann deserved to try something new.

That was the thought that carried him in the direction of a few online forums, out of the Shatterdome, and into the music supply store.

He wasn’t going to start off with a  _ dildo _ , thank you very much. That was far too much preparation for something that might not even work a second time. No, something long but thin was what Hermann needed. And all of the forums had agreed that a beginner such as himself was best suited to a drumstick.

So, despite feeling patently ridiculous, he put on his stern professor face and casually dropped the infernal things on the counter in front of him, hoping the woman working the register wouldn’t try to engage in any music-related small talk. He’d planned out a big lie about having a son who was in a band but Hermann was not a very good liar so he was crossing his fingers it didn’t come up.

Thankfully, the woman asked him for nothing but his card. Though she did give him a sly look while she placed the sticks in the bag and Hermann tried not to look as suspicious as he felt.

The walk home was the longest trek of his life. Every pair of eyes he passed bore holes in his bag like they knew exactly what Hermann’s dirty little secret was.

He wondered if other men his age were still on the shameful misuse-of-musical-equipment phase on their road to sexual enlightenment. He supposed it was unlikely.

Once in the lab, he did a quick glance around to make sure Newton had already vacated the premises. But as luck would have it, Hermann was all alone. Just him and a single solitary drumstick tonight.

This might be the best date he’s had in years.

Hermann couldn’t help but feel a little nervous anticipation as he slathered the thing with a hearty portion of lube. Completely naked in the safety and comfort of his bed, Hermann laid back on his mountain of pillows and slowly, slowly inserted the drumstick inside of himself.

It was thin enough that Hermann could get a few inches inside himself without encountering any resistance. It was odd, he realized, the sensation of having something inside of him, not easily comparable to other sensations outside of having a pill lodged in your throat.

It didn’t hurt, by any measure, which had been half of what Hermann was afraid of. But it also didn’t feel too particularly pleasant either.

_ Perhaps it took some getting used to _ , he thought as he gently prodded the stick deeper inside of him until -  _ Oh _ .

He could feel the instant he brushed up against something inside of him and his whole body lit up like Times Square. Just like at the doctor’s office, his dick hardened instantly, ridiculously, as suddenly every sensation in his body became too much and not enough. 

“Oh! Oh, my,” Hermann shuddered. Without thinking, Hermann slowly started to ease the drumstick in and out of himself, and it was like seeing for the first time. With every movement, waves of pleasure ran all the way up his body and pooled low in his gut. A wave of heat rushed through his body and Hermann moaned.

He started tugging at his dick with his free hand out of habit and quickly stopped when he found the feeling to be unnecessary and unwanted. He knew what he wanted now, and it was fucking the life out of him.

Filthy sounds erupted from deep within Hermann and he couldn’t be arsed to shut himself up. His grunts punctuated every thrust, now steadily pumping the stick in and out of his ass, he shuddered and groaned indulgently.

His dick was rock hard now, almost purple--- _ is that normal? _ \---, and a clear watery liquid was pushing its way out of the tip, all over Hermann’s stomach. It felt fucking magnificent, and the sight of such a mess only served to push Hermann further into a moaning, leaking disaster.

He canted his hips up as much as he could and began thrusting in earnest, angling his hand so that he hit that  _ spot _ every time and he was practically screaming. His toes curled and his legs twitched but he didn’t stop fucking himself over and over and over again.

The pressure was building up and up and up, every thrust sending Hermann further and further over the edge of something he knew he couldn’t come back from. He seized up.

His orgasm was ripped out of him with an actual literal  _ shout _ , his whole body going rigid as pleasure surged through him and fireworks played out in front of Hermann’s eyes. (He’d always assumed the ‘seeing stars’ cliche was metaphorical, but empirical evidence was proving otherwise.) A pornographic amount of cum erupted from his dick as he fucked himself through what was, undoubtedly, the most earth-shattering orgasm of his life.

Finally, Hermann loosened his grip and let both his hands fall to his side.

He groaned. This was going to change things.

It’s been weeks since that first gluttonous experience and Hermann is steadily becoming more and more insatiable. He’s had to restrain himself to only one evening a week so that it will not interfere with his work. Also, so that his lab partner won’t hear him moaning like a porn star while he fucks himself silly. Hermann did discover the hard way that he was now incapable of keeping his mouth shut in the throes of pleasure - the only time he ever tried it while Newt was home, Newt had knocked on his door and asked if he needed a doctor.

But it was fine, Hermann would restrain himself to touching himself only on Thursday nights, when Newt was out and Hermann could be as vocal as he pleased. And now he had something to look forward to every week.

His sensitivity had not flagged - on the contrary, he found his sexual appetite suddenly insatiable.

Before the Experiment, Hermann hadn’t considered the possibility of having multiple orgasms in a single go-round. He hardly even masturbated more than was strictly necessary. 

Now, Hermann would be hard-pressed to remember the last session that ended with anything less than him biting down hard on his pillow, convulsing like a man possessed as the third or fourth dry orgasm wracked through his body.

Only, he had a new problem.

“Oh, Newton,” he moans, slowly working the drumstick in and out of his body with languid pleasure, “Fuck me, Newton,  _ God _ .”

In his mind, Newt is suave and confident, smirking as he sets the pace of Hermann’s pleasure. He takes his sweet time taking Hermann apart with his fingers, and Hermann is writhing around on the bed sheets as if in heat, utterly losing his mind.

Imaginary-Newt thrusts his fingers in deeper,  _ “Fuck yeah, baby. You like that?”  _ he croons in a way that Hermann thinks is crass but also unfairly hot, _ “You gonna come for me again?” _

The tension that’s been building in him is finally too much to bear and he cries out for Newton, his body seizing again as he comes pitifully, the heat rolling off him in waves.

Hermann takes a moment to revel in the aftershocks before he glances at the alarm clock sitting on his bedside table. Newt would be home soon, and with the advent of Hermann’s third orgasm of the evening, it was probably time to call it a night.

He sighs dramatically. He should be satisfied with this, but it isn’t enough. The fantasy of Newt, as ideal as it is, simply doesn’t measure up to the real thing.

Not to mention his imagination can only go so far with a drumstick in his ass.

Hermann wants  _ more. _ He wants to be fucked - he wants Newt to fuck him. But that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon, and in the meantime it’s hard to imagine Newt’s dick inside of him when all he has, in reality, is a damned drumstick. 

It’s embarassing, but Hermann hadn’t worked up the nerve to buy a real sex toy just yet. It feels a little bit like giving up. On what, though, he isn’t quite sure. Perhaps on his carefully-cultivated reputation as a sexless being. Or, maybe on his chances with Newt, but Lord knows whatever chances they’d had to begin with had been steadily eroded from years of inaction on his part.

It isn’t healthy, and Hermann knows that. But the recent spike in his libido has made managing his embarrassing schoolboy crush on his lab partner far more difficult.

Once-subtle glances at Newt’s backside and his strong, colorful arms have become indulgent and lustful. Hermann has stopped eating lunch with him after the time Newt’s thigh brushed his own and Hermann had to cross his legs uncomfortably for the rest of the meal to hide his arousal.

Newt has most likely noticed how jumpy and avoidant Hermann’s been around him lately, and Hermann knows it isn’t fair to him, but how can Hermann be expected to share a lab with Doctor Newton “Fuck Me Eyes” Geiszler and not spend every free moment overwhelmed with lust?

It was a cruel and unusual punishment, to have such a specimen of a man at one’s fingertips and know he wouldn’t touch you with a ten foot pole.

Hermann heaves an empty sigh and slides the drumstick out of his body.

It was no use moping about the impossible, he decides. If he wasn’t going to get fucked by Newton Geiszler, Hermann could fuck himself.


	2. Earning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Newt discovers a series of interesting things about his coworker. Then he decides to do something about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning this is more feelings than porn because everything I do, I do with Yearning. Chapter three is like, all sex if that makes up for it. i know absolutely nothing about science or scientific practices so im sorry if my uninformed science-related plot device makes you cringe in PhD

Hermann is on drugs or something. At least, that’s Newt’s theory.

Something’s been off for weeks now - Hermann’s been twitchy, nervous. Like he can barely stand to look Newt in the face. He barely even picks fights anymore, which Newt knows is pretty much his only hobby.

He’s been skipping their shared lunches so often Newt has stopped asking, instead just sitting in the cafeteria, eating alone like some kind of friendless loser. 

And the other day, he came back to the lab with a mysterious black bag and he refused to tell Newt what was inside - which Newt guesses isn’t that weird in hindsight, since Hermann’s got a lot of British hangups about privacy or whatever - but at the time it seemed very suspicious. Hermann was acting like it was something immoral or illegal, like drugs!

The war has finally cracked Hermann, and now he’s turning to drugs. Newt never thought he’d see the day.

Newt is bent over a Kaiju sample, wondering if Hermann would be willing to share, when Hermann’s alarm goes off in the adjacent room. Newt perks up instantly, like he’s developed some Pavlovian response to the indication that he would be joined by Hermann soon.

Really though, it always takes more than an hour for Hermann to actually come into the lab, he reminds himself, shaking his head. Newt has real work to do that doesn’t involve waiting for Hermann like a dog sitting outside his door. Newt has footage to watch actually, because he is a cool, tech-savvy scientist and he recorded some samples overnight last night.

_ The camera was brought to you by Tendo, _ he says to the imaginary audience in his head,  _ Tendo: He Always Has A Video Camera. _

Newt opens the file and sets it to play at four times speed. Instantly, he hears the high pitched squeaking of his own voice played back at high speed and he shudders. It’s always so much worse on a recording. 

Thankfully, he’d set the camera up to only look at the sample, so he doesn’t have to  _ see _ himself move from the sample to his room and out of the lab for poker night, but he hears the noises of it. He’s too lazy to click mute.

Before long, though, there’s another spike in the audio. The kaiju sample continues to wriggle aimlessly and something else in the video is making a weird noise. It sounds like - almost like a ghost? 

Outside the video, Hermann’s door creaks open and Newt pauses the video so quickly Hermann probably thinks he was watching porn. “Hermann!” he says not-suspiciously while he plugs in some headphones, “Uh, good morning!”

Hermann---who looks surprisingly well-rested this morning---gives Newt a curt nod and sets about making himself a cup of tea. Newt has a moment where he almost asks if anything weird or spooky happened last night while he was out, but he thinks better of it at the last second. He can figure this one out by himself.

Instead, Newt turns back to his video, first putting his headphones in and slowing it down to normal speed. 

He listens carefully this time. It’s definitely a person’s voice. But no one but him and Hermann live in this section of the Shatterdome. Maybe it really  _ was _ a ghost.

Now that he could hear it normally, it kind of sounds like they were crying, maybe? Or really it sounded like a wail, like a surprisingly rhythmic -

Newt closes his laptop.

“Newton?” Hermann says from across the room and Newt realizes belatedly that he had gasped out loud, “Is everything alright?”

When Hermann speaks, Newt can place the noises from the video in the timbre of his voice and his brain fogs over, the back of his neck feels hot, “Uh, yeah I’m totally cool, dude. I am just… sitting here.”

Hermann seems to take this as an acceptable response and he turns away once more. Newt thinks about going back to his room with his computer, but that was also, like, the best possible way to make Hermann suspicious, and all of a sudden Being Discreet is Newt’s number one top priority. 

Instead, he subtly tilts the screen away from Hermann ever so slightly and decreases the volume in his headphones before he presses play again, just to be safe.

This time, the voice is unmistakable.

It’s Hermann and he sounds like a porn star. He’s moaning like he’s getting the noise fucked out of him. The bed is creaking and Hermann is screaming and Newt is suddenly so hard it hurts. He’s elated for a moment before the cogs in his brain start turning.

Hermann totally got laid last night, and it was with someone who wasn’t Newt.

He knew this day would come eventually, but damn it hurts.

Newt quickly glances over his shoulder at Hermann, but he was engrossed in his work and paying Newt no mind. He kept listening to the recording just to torture himself.

He’s a little hurt that Hermann’s keeping his boyfriend a secret from him. They were friends, deep down, weren’t they? Even though neither of them ever admitted it. There was a mutual understanding, at least. Newt would tell Hermann if he was getting dicked down on the regular.

Newt strains to listen for another voice, but he can’t hear anything over Hermann’s unintelligible wailing. Fuck, that was hot. Newt can feel his dick twitch in his pants. He casually throws a hand over his lap to maintain plausible deniability in case Hermann looks over.

Maybe it was just a casual fling, and Newt is overreacting. Maybe all this means is that Hermann Gottlieb fucks. That would open up all kinds of Newt-and-Hermann possibilities: ones where they could sleep together, even. He might be able to convince Hermann they’d make very convenient fuck-buddies. After all, what better way to get Newt to shut up than with Hermann’s dick in his mouth?

Ugh, but this is Hermann he’s thinking about. Doctor Hermann ‘I wouldn’t touch you if you were the last man alive’ Gottlieb wasn’t gonna want a piece of his ska-punk hobbit looking ass.

In the video, Hermann makes this high-pitched little yelp that goes straight to Newt’s dick and he realizes what a gross invasion of privacy this is. Fuck, Newt is such a bad friend. He’s not gonna stop listening to this, but he’s got the decency to feel bad about it, at least. He’s wanted Hermann for ages now and this will probably be the closest he ever gets to having him.

“Oh fuck,” Hermann says in the video and Newt’s eyes go wide. Hermann said fuck! He chances another look back at Current Hermann, but he might as well be on another planet for how little he’s looking at Newt. “Please, right there,” he moans from Newt’s headphones. Newt decides to chance it and grinds into the heel of his palm for some much-needed relief.

God, Hermann was so hot. He was probably banging some fit J-tech or like a tall, well-adjusted Jaeger pilot. Someone cool and attractive, also smart enough to see past Hermann’s many layers of repression.

Hermann’s voice warbles from the recording again, “Oh, Newton, fuck me!”

Newt’s spine stiffens and a jolt of arousal shocks his body.  _ Oh, that’s funny, _ Newt thinks,  _ There must be someone else at the Shatterdome named Newton.  _ He keeps discreetly rubbing his dick through his pants, trying to keep his breathing from getting heavy.

Maybe it wasn’t a very common name, but the alternative wasn’t possible -  _ right?  _ Even though Newt hasn’t heard a peep from Hermann’s super hot date this whole time, there was just no way Hermann was shaking the bed and banging the wall that hard if he was alone, that’d be insane. Plus, that would mean -

“Oh, Doctor Geiszler!” cries Hermann from the recording, whining and seductive, and Newt can feel his brain melt out of his ears, “Fuck me, Doctor Geiszler, please!”

“Holy shit.” Newt says, understanding finally hitting him. Hermann wasn’t getting laid, he was getting off! And he was  _ moaning Newt’s name _ while he was doing it. “Holy shit!” he says again, real panic creeping into his voice.

Hermann turns to face him, obviously alarmed, “Newton, really, what is it?” But Hermann’s literal screams of pleasure are still playing from Newt’s headphones and holy fuck this is way too much for Newt to handle right now.

He slaps his laptop shut again. “Nothing!” he says convincingly, “I’m just looking at some, uh, samples and you know, some cool science shit is happening over here!” His voice cracks at the end, but Newt’s too busy sweeping the computer into his arms and making a mad dash for his quarters, “Anyways I have to go to my room right now bye!”

He bounds across the room and Hermann calls his name again but Newt is already slamming the door shut.

In a moment he’s got his hand down his pants because give him a fucking break, he’s only human. It only takes a few rough tugs to get him right where he wants to be. He bites his fist hard when he comes, muffling a moan, hand flying over his dick like he’s trying to strip paint.

He flops down on his bed, head still spinning. There’s too much new information to consider, multiple well-worn conclusions Newt reached years ago that apparently aren’t true anymore (or maybe had never even been true in the first place).

First, the facts: Last night, Hermann touched himself--- _ strenuously, _ though presumably alone---and called out Newt’s full name in the process. (That thought alone is endlessly fascinating, if for no other reason than it completely recontextualizes every lecture about ‘proper titles’ Hermann’s given him and it makes Newt wonder if Hermann gets a little turned on when he calls Newt “Doctor Geiszler” in front of other people because just thinking about it sends a little thrill through Newt now.) The logical conclusion here is that Hermann wants to have sex with Newt, right? At least in theory. Who knows how Hermann would feel about making that a reality.

Newt supposes, if nothing else, it just means Hermann finds him attractive. Which -  _ wow _ \- Newt really lets that revelation wash over him. Doctor Sexy Cheekbones himself finds Newt worthy of fantasizing about.

He’s really gonna let this go to his head.

If Newt were more suave, or if he had a better romantic track record, he would burst into the lab now and sweep Hermann up in his arms to give him the ravishing of a lifetime.

But just thinking about how many things could go wrong with that plan makes his blood curdle. Plus, he knows Hermann, and he’s not the kind of guy you sweep off of his feet. Newt learned long ago if he ever wanted Hermann to try something new it was best to go with the wild animal approach: set out bait and wait for it to come to you.

He’ll have to proposition Hermann in a completely casual way that betrays nothing about Newt’s accidental recording and also leaves room for Newt to take it back if Hermann’s not interested. Easy-peasy.

He’ll start first thing tomorrow. Right now, he’s got a video to rewatch.

“You’ve got really nice hands, you know,” Newt says without warning a few days later.

Hermann startles and drops his pen, “I - I beg your pardon?”

Newt tries to quit bouncing his leg under his desk but it won’t stop. “Uh, yeah, you know, your fingers are all spindly and thin - it’s, it’s cool.”

Hermann’s face contorts, still refusing to look at Newt, “Cool?”

“I mean, you know, not - not  _ cool _ , but like uh, I mean they’re just big. You’ve got big hands.”

Hermann squawks.

Newt takes that as an invitation to keep going, “I mean they’re definitely bigger than mine,” he rolls himself over to Hermann’s desk, close enough that the wheels of their chairs knock together, but their knees stay a few careful inches apart. He holds his hand up to Hermann, fingers outstretched, “Here, let’s compare.”

Hermann is sputtering and stuttering and steadily turning red, “I - uh, I don’t think that will be -,” his eyes are darting around the lab.

Newt grins and tenderly takes Hermann’s wrist in hand, lifting it up so that their palms are gently touching. As Newt predicted, Hermann’s fingers are markedly longer than his own, though Newt's fingers look stronger. “See?” Newt grins, “I told you, your hands are way bigger than mine. You’ve got like, big fancy ballerina hands, dude, I don’t know what to tell you.”

And suddenly touching hands with Hermann is not the great plan his stupid monkey brain led him to believe. He can feel Hermann’s soft skin under his own, hand tingling at every point of contact, and all he can think about is making that slight shift to lace their fingers together and actually hold his actual real-life hand.

Newt swallows hard and turns back to see Hermann staring at him with wide eyes.

Suddenly he’s dizzy with his mouth’s proximity to Hermann’s. Maybe he was taking this flirting thing a bit too fast. After all,  _ Hermann _ was the one who was supposed to be affected by this, not Newt.

“I bet I could pick you up, though,” he says without thinking but it’s worth it because Hermann actually  _ squeaks _ and goes completely red.

They never find out if it’s true, as Hermann excuses himself pretty quickly after that and Newt counts it as a victory.

The following Monday, Newt changes his tactic.

There’s plenty of space between where Hermann is standing at the chalkboard and his desk. Newt could, and  _ has _ every day up to this point, walk between these two obstacles to get to the coffee machine without touching either. But not today.

Today, Newt very purposely rests two gentle hands on either side of Hermann’s waist as he  _ just barely _ squeezes past him, letting his chest brush up against Hermann when he jolts in surprise.

“Sorry, dude,” Newt stops for a moment to murmur low in his ear, “Just gotta get past you here.”

He slides out from behind a shell-shocked Hermann, letting his hands linger before gently patting his hip by way of a farewell. Hermann makes a noise that sounds like a question mark and it takes every ounce of self-control Newt has not to look back at him.

As the half-broken half-duct-taped machine slowly dribbles coffee into his mug, Newt notices a distinct lack of chalk-scratch sounds in the air, which had, up until that point filled up the room. He finally chances a glance over to Hermann only to catch the man obviously staring back at Newt - before hurriedly going back to whatever half-complete equation was up in front of him.

Newt smiles to himself. Looks like this might work after all.

“Your button came undone,” Newt lies to Hermann the next day.

Hermann looks up from his computer and reaches up to his collar, “Is this another prank? If you flick my nose again, I will not hesitate to file a report - ”

“Not a prank, I swear.” Newt rolls his chair over to him and brushes Hermann’s hands away to replace them with his own, “Just friendly concern.” He tugs and fiddles with Hermann’s perfectly-done collar for a while, feeling his body heat through the thin fabric of his dress shirt.

Newt makes a show of trailing his fingers down Hermann’s shirt, as if checking that all the buttons are safely fastened. Only after he catches the blush on Hermann’s neck does he relent, smoothing his hands over Hermann’s chest.

“There you go,” Newt smiles at him innocently, “All better?”

Hermann nods clammily and turns back to his computer with a jerk.

The next morning is when Newt decides that desperate times call for desperate measures, damn it.

He wakes up early to squeeze himself into the tightest short shorts he owns and a tank top that says “I’m hung like a Foucault Pendulum.” Not exactly OSHA-approved, but perfect for Newt’s purposes.

He rustles around in a few boxes under his bed until he finds exactly what he’s looking for: his old mat from when he used to go to campus yoga. He  _ knew _ he was gonna use it again someday, suck it, Dad.

Rolling it out directly in front of Hermann’s desk, Newt takes his time to stretch before Hermann’s alarm even sounds. He takes some deep breaths and focuses on relaxing his muscles.

When Hermann finally opens his door, Newt is deeply focused on perfecting what he calls a Slutty Downward Dog (it’s just a Downward Dog, but like, Slutty), until Hermann all but  _ yelps. _

Newt whips his head around to where Hermann is frozen at his doorway, eyes scanning the many curves and edges of Newt’s body, now so shamelessly on display. “Morning, big guy.” Newt grins up at him, ass still poking out in the air as far as he can get it, “I was feeling a bit tense today. Wanna join me?”

“Newton!” Hermann cries, now steadily turning pink. “This is hardly appropriate for a, er, professional setting -”

“Yeah, but like,” Newt shrugs as much as he can with his back still arching severely, “where else could I go to do this?”

Hermann nearly short circuits and splutters, “In your  _ quarters, _ for one! Where private business is meant to be conducted!”

Newt retracts from the position and sits up on his knees, “But where’s the fun in that?”

“For goodness’ sake,” Hermann huffs dramatically and hastens to his desk, “I shall be working from my room this morning, then, if you are so determined -”

“Woah, woah, woah - Wait a second, man!” Newt jumps over to where Hermann is shoving papers into his arms, “You don’t have to get all in a huff about it, I can just leave -”

“No, no, by all means, contaminate the space further. As though it’s not  _ filthy _ enough already.” Finally, he glances at Newt before trailing off, “I - uh...”

Hermann just watches as Newt sits his pert little ass down on Hermann’s desk and props one foot up, spreading his legs as far as they go so he can be sure Hermann sees the half chub he’s already got on display. Subtlety never was Newt’s strong suit.

He flutters his eyelashes, “Are you calling me filthy, Hermann?” and  _ wow _ that was really fucking horny but Newt’s in it now he guesses, might as well go the full mile.

Hermann has completely frozen, face red and eyes wide. His lips purse like he wants to say something, but nothing’s coming out. 

“Hermann?” Newt edges, praying for him to make a move, kiss him, touch him, _ say something. _

But Hermann just swallows and turns away. “I trust you’ll be done by noon?”

Newt deflates, and can’t help but pout a little too. “Don’t worry about it dude, I’ll just go to my room, I guess.”

Dejected, he grabs his mat and retreats to his quarters to change again. He can feel Hermann’s eyes on him as he walks away, but even that doesn’t settle his stomach. He really thought the whole slutty yoga thing would do the trick. 

Hermann had looked so hungry, so ready for it. What was stopping him? Newt wasn’t exactly going for stealth, here. He must have figured out Newt’s intentions by now.

Maybe he’s really just that repressed.

Newt heaves a heavy sigh. He really has his work cut out for him.

Once again, it’s Thursday evening. Funny how that happens every week.

Newt has been staring at Hermann for the past hour. During which time the man has chewed through two different pen caps, spilled half a coffee all over the floor, and checked his clock an uncountable number of times. Clearly this was a Hermann who was ready to be alone.

And if Newt was a more considerate person, someone capable of patience and personal space, he would have left already, and given Hermann some time to himself. But instead he’s trying to listen to that feeling in his gut telling him to stay, to see this through. He’s not gonna chicken out, not right now.

Hermann clears his throat pointedly and reminds Newt that he ought to be leaving soon for that poker night.

“Oh, I’m not going.” Newt tries for casual, but he can hear his heart beating in his chest and it’s so fucking loud.

Hermann jolts up in his seat, “What? Why not?”

_ Because I want to stay here and have sex with you. _ “Uh, because Tendo cancelled.”  _ Fuck _ .

Hermann sends Newt a withering look, “Tendo would never cancel poker night. Try again.”

Newt shifts nervously in his seat, “Alright, fine. Maybe I just don’t feel like going tonight, huh? Maybe I just want,” he swallows hard, “- want a night in for once.”  _ With you _ , he doesn’t say.

Hermann narrows his eyes at him and scowls, “You have ‘nights in’ all the time, Newton, this is your  _ only _ night out, it doesn’t make sense for you to just -”

Newt raises his voice, “Okay well it doesn’t have to make  _ sense _ , Hermann, it’s my decision if I want -”

“One night to myself, that’s all I ask for,” Hermann shouts, “We work together, we practically live together, I deserve a night without you here, running your  _ bloody _ mouth all the time!”

“Oh, why don’t you take the stick out of your ass!”

Hermann gasps and recoils like he’s been hit, “The  _ what?” _

“I said take the  _ stick out of your ass!” _ Newt repeats, and is about to continue when he notices Hermann.

He’s gone completely still, shoulders hunched up protectively and eyes wider than a barn owl’s. The flush on his face is bright red and spreads from his neck to the very tips of his ears. More importantly, he looks absolutely  _ mortified. _

Newt shakes himself out of his anger. “Hermann? Dude? What’s wrong?” he asks, decidedly calmer than he was a second ago.

“You…?” Hermann squeaks out, “Have you gone through my things?”

Of all the things Hermann could have said, Newt wasn’t expecting that. Newt scrunches up his face in confusion, “What?”

Hermann starts breathing faster, great heaving gulps of air, “That - that is a complete breach of privacy! Of all the low-down, deceitful, untrustworthy acts -”

“Dude! I don’t know what you’re even talking about right now!”

But Hermann doesn’t hear him, continuing to rant to himself, “Oh, I understand perfectly now. This is why you’ve been acting out all week! You’ve been  _ mocking me _ \- acting flirtatious - and, and  _ touching _ me, all over a bloody drumstick, what a class act!”

_ “Hermann!” _ Newt finally shouts, and Hermann whips around to face him again. “I didn’t go through your shit, dude. I swear on my life - that’s not what’s going on.”

Hermann scoffs, still furious. “Oh, really? Then what, pray tell, is ‘going on’? Because your behavior these past few days has been utterly incomprehensible otherwise!”

Newt groans and clenches his fists in pure frustration, “Are you kidding me, dude?! I thought it was pretty fucking obvious! I’ve been, you know -”  _ fuck, why is this so hard, _ “God, I’ve been flirting with you, okay? I’ve been coming on to you in a sexual and flirtatious manner! There, I said it!”

Hermann looks at Newt like he’s a moron, “Well,  _ obviously.” _

“What?” Newt squawks. “You knew?!”

_ “Newton,  _ yesterday you texted me fifteen eggplant emojis in a row! I may not be the most socially adept person in the world, but I’m not stupid!” Hermann shouts at him, crossing his arms protectively.

Newt’s suddenly overcome with the urge to tear his own hair out, “If you  _ knew, _ then why the fuck haven’t you done anything about it?!”

“Because I don't understand WHY!” he yells, “I can’t think of one genuine reason as to  _ why _ you would fling yourself at me in this manner!”

Newt laughs a little hysterically, running an anxious hand through his hair, “Some big-shot genius  _ you _ are - figure it out, smart guy! It’s because I fucking have feelings for you!”

Hermann’s eyebrows go up to his hairline and Newt freezes up. Neither of them say anything for a long, tense moment. 

The silence is deafening.

Finally, Hermann says slowly, “You . . .You have ‘feelings’ for -?”

“NO! No, I mean -” Newt flaps his arms around,  _ “Sexual _ feelings. I - I want to have  _ sex _ with you. Like an adult.” Newt looks utterly frantic, pulling at his collar like it’s choking him, “I’m an adult, and so are you, and - and - Let’s have sex!” His tone implies confidence, but he just knows his face is twisted up in fear right now.

Hermann takes a slow, considering look at Newt, intense but calculating. Like Newt’s one of his impossible equations, just waiting to be solved. Like Hermann intends to solve him. He fights the urge to squirm.

Finally Hermann speaks, “Just sex?” he asks evenly, eyebrows tilted up.

“Yeah,” Newt nods, eyes still wide. “I mean, if you want to, of course.”

Tapping the head of his cane with nervous fingers, Hermann takes a deep breath and gathers all the courage he can muster. Not quite trembling, he takes a deliberate step towards Newt, close enough to close the gap between them (but he doesn’t, not yet).

Instead, he takes Newt’s hand in his own, slowly, so as not to startle him, and laces their fingers together. Gently, he lifts a finger to Newt’s chin and tilts his face up to look at him.

“What if I -” Hermann cuts himself off when his voice wavers, starts again, “What if I want more?” He looks to Newt, and Newt finally sees how  _ scared _ he looks - his eyebrows are tilted up in question, his voice thick with emotion, “What if I had, er, ‘feelings’ for you, as well?”

Newt’s breath hitches, just looks up at Hermann with wide and vulnerable eyes. For a moment, the world around them falls away.

“You do?” he asks softly.

Hermann’s mouth does that funny little twisty thing it always does when Hermann’s nervous, and he nods.

“I mean, uh,” Newt begins, trying not to be distracted by the way his stomach is fluttering, “that’s - that’d be cool. I think.” He reaches out - casually,  _ so _ casually - to smooth the wrinkles on Hermann’s shirt with his free hand, “Would you want to - I mean, would it be okay if I -”

“ _ God _ , yes.”

Newt surges up and kisses him. It’s soft and solid and  _ real. _ Newt’s up on his tiptoes and Hermann’s tossing his cane aside and grabbing at Newton with both hands. It’s a little difficult because they’re both trying not to smile but fuck if it isn’t worth everything in the world. 

Newt feels Hermann’s touch like it’s sunshine. If the Kaiju came for them right now, if the world came crumbling down around them, he wouldn’t even look up.

He brings a hand up and scritches at the buzzed hair of Hermann’s undercut, tilting his head to deepen the kiss and slip in a little tongue, which elicits a moan from Hermann. He tastes like burnt coffee and he smells like chalk, and fuck if Newt’s not so gone on him already.

But, oddly, Newt can’t shake the feeling there’s something he’s forgetting.

There’s the ghost of a little reminder niggling in the back of his mind. Something he meant to tell Hermann, maybe?

It’s at this moment Hermann turns the kiss filthy, reaching around to grab a handful of Newt’s ass before pulling him flush against his body. Newt’s head spins and suddenly they’re both all over each other, desperate, seeking out and finding in equal measure. Hermann pulls away to breathe, pupils blown wide, “My bedroom. Now.”

Newt’s dick swells in his pants and he nods enthusiastically. Whatever it is can wait.

Right now, Newton Geiszler’s going to get laid.


	3. Learning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hermann finally gets the dick appointment he's been waiting for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who stuck with this story and to everyone who left kind comments (!!!! they fuel me!!!!) AND ALSO big thanks to those of you on twitter encouraging me to keep writing!! :> Also shoutout to @pru_newton for the musings on twitter that absolutely inspired me!!
> 
> The BIGGEST thank you to @LinkisaNerd (she's on twitter go follow them!!!) for editing this chapter and saving everyone else from my many spelling/grammar errors <3
> 
> Happy reading and I hope you enjoy!

Holding tightly to his lapels, Hermann shoves Newt up against his door and kisses him, pressing their hot mouths together in an attempt to get even closer. Newt untucks his shirt so he can run desperate hands up and down Hermann’s back. Hermann hisses and arches into him when he runs his nails over tender skin.

“Newton, wait,” Hermann says into Newt’s mouth, “I - the keys -” He can barely focus enough to locate the keychain, much less determine which one unlocks his room.

“Fuck the keys, man. I can take you right here on the floor.” Newton pants before redirecting all his brain power towards sucking a hickey into Hermann’s neck.

“Nnh,” Hermann whimpers, “Newt, please.”

Newt nips at his skin one more time before huffily taking the keys from Hermann and switching their positions so that Newt can unlock the door with his right hand and ravish Hermann with everything else at his disposal, kissing and sucking ruthlessly at Hermann’s neck.

When Newt grinds his hips forward, Hermann’s ass presses against the cool metal door and something inside of Hermann’s brain lights up and oh dear he may have forgotten something important.

“Newton,” Hermann quickly paws at his hips to get his attention, “Upon second thought, I think we ought to do this in your quarters.”

“What? Why?” 

Before Hermann can say another word, Newt unlocks the door and lays eyes on exactly what Hermann didn’t want him to see: his handy bottle of lubricant and the offending drumstick, both laid out neatly on the bed where Hermann had traitorously placed them mere hours ago. Newt goes rigid with shock and Hermann can feel himself full-body cringe.

“Ho-ly shit,” Newt says, his eyebrows going up to his hairline.

“It’s not what it looks like,” Hermann says quickly, though he offers no alternate explanation.

Newt looks like he’s running about twenty different equations in his head and he only understands two of them, “You’re - ? Uh…” He shakes his head, gives Hermann’s ass a quick squeeze (eliciting a squeak out of Hermann), and separates from him to pluck the offending items from the bed. “Yeah, no, you totally stumped me dude. I have no idea what’s going on, I’m totally lost right now. You’ve got lube and a drumstick, I don’t… Is this like a new fetish I’ve never heard of before?”

Hermann could just about die on the spot, “It’s _not_ a fetish!” he insists, flushing.

But Newt ignores him and keeps talking, “Do you like, put this up your asshole or…?”

He stops talking when he sees Hermann’s utterly mortified look.

Newt’s expression drops. “Holy shit you totally do.” He raises his eyebrows. “Holy _shit_ , you _totally do!_ ”

Hermann leans his cane on his desk and sits down on his bed with a huff, covering his face with his hands, “Oh my God, I can't believe this is happening to me.”

Newt jumps, “What? No no no noo! Dude this is great, this is - this is _hot,_ I love it!” He rushes, trying to backtrack, “I’m full of kinky shit, this is a walk in the park for me, man! This is nothing to be embarrassed about! That’s a great fetish, actually. Very cool, very hip.”

Hermann screws his face up, “No, it’s not my - I don’t have a _fetish_ for the damned thing! I didn’t mean for it to happen! I just - I looked at some forums and they said -”

“To bux a sex toy from a Music and Arts Store?” Newt grins.

Hermann slams his hand down on his knee, “Oh, I’m trying to be honest with you right now, you horrible little man!”

Newt sobers up instantly, “You’re totally right, I’m sorry.” He quickly moves to sit next to Hermann on the bed and places a hand on Hermann’s back. “I’m super here for you right now, whatever you need.”

Hermann blows a little air out his nose and squirms under the attention, secretly appreciative of Newt’s contact, “I’m fine, Newton, really. It’s just - It’s not a fetish,” he starts primly, “I would have purchased an actual sex toy, I was planning on it, as a matter of fact. In the very near future. Probably.”

“But you didn’t because . . . ?”

“Because, Newton, I don't _want_ some impersonal piece of plastic, I want to be - to feel - I want you to . . .” Hermann throws a hand over his face again, feeling it burn, “Oh good lord, this is humiliating. I want it to be _you_. I want you to - to be the one to do it.” 

He peers at Newt through his fingers timidly. Newt’s pupils are blown wide, his mouth parted and his face flushed, “Oh, for real?” his voice wavers.

Hermann swallows, a little braver now, “In all honesty I’ve never been on the - erm - _receiving_ end of things before, and I suppose I’d like to try it with you. If that’s alright.”

“You want - you want me to fuck you?” his eyes flicker to Hermann’s mouth, “Right now?”

Hermann squirms, “I erm - I mean, yes if it’s amenable to you I would enjoy that very much. Though I understand if you don’t want to go that far tonight -”

“Oh, I do!” Newt cuts him off frantically, “I would like _very_ much to go that far right now immediately actually, but you’re like. . . you’re ready?” he asks with a meaningful raise of his eyebrows, “Cause like, I don’t need to rush this.”

Hermann takes a moment to memorize this picture of Newt, so sweetly offering all of himself in this way. 

“Oh, my darling boy.” Hermann sighs, the corner of his mouth quirked up, “I think we’ve waited long enough.”

When they kiss again, it’s like nothing Hermann’s ever felt. Their lips mold together, searing and desperate. It feels like they were made for it. Each touch is electric, leaving his body buzzing and tender. 

Newt is nothing if not enthusiastic in his ministrations, tilting Hermann’s head back to more easily lick into his mouth, eliciting a strangled moan as Hermann goes pliable in his hands.

Newt makes quick work of unbuttoning both of their shirts, breaking away to nip and suck at Hermann’s newly exposed skin. Hermann can feel himself surrender to the pleasure, drunk on the sweet scent of what is presumably Newt’s four-in-one body wash. Hermann brings a hand up to grasp at Newton’s hair, tugging gently. 

Newt drags his teeth against Hermann’s collarbone, “Mmh, you’re fucking gorgeous.”

The compliment takes Hermann by surprise, sending a wave of arousal through his body. He pulls Newt’s hair in earnest now, desperately connecting their lips once more. Newt reels, running his hands along Hermann’s sides before continuing the very important task of divesting them from their clothes.

Newt practically throws Hermann’s belt across the room, tugging off Hermann’s trousers and quickly shimmying himself out of his jeans before Hermann pulls him back to his aching mouth. 

Running his hands all over Hermann’s near-naked body, Newt pulls back to gasp, “Can I eat you out?”

“Ngk,” says Hermann, flushing up to his ears, “Yes, but - I ought to warn you, I’ve found myself to be. . . rather _sensitive_ in that, er, area,” says Hermann delicately, peering at Newt through his dark eyelashes. “I’m afraid my body has been a bit, erm, unpredictable. As of late.”

Newt throws him a dazzling smile as he readjusts their positions, easing Hermann onto his stomach, folding a pillow to put under his hips. He settles in behind Hermann, carefully teasing the soft skin under the elastic of Hermann’s boxer briefs with his mouth, “Don’t worry about it, dude. We can go slow.”

Hermann tilts his head to the side in a strangely elegant motion, considering how much he’s trembling, “Well, we don’t have to go _that_ slow,” he concedes with a slow grin.

Snickering, Newt tugs Hermann’s underwear all the way off and presses a biting kiss to the juncture where Hermann’s thigh meets his ass, earning a squeak of approval. He licks a line up Hermann’s cleft, swirling his tongue indulgently around his hole. Hermann lets out a low hum of approval, tilting his hips for easier access.

Newt flattens his tongue and laps at the sensitive skin before thrusting his tongue inside, tongue-fucking and licking into Hermann eagerly. He flicks at his rim every time he pulls out. Hermann bucks up and against his face, emitting a long string of moans and swears as he tries to ride Newton’s tongue.

The sight of Newton’s face alone, Hermann thought, was enchanting. His filthy mouth tonguing and suctioning along Hermann, eyes closed and forehead creased in total concentration. Finally Hermann cries for mercy, begging for Newt to _fucking put his bloody fingers inside of him already you fucking bastard,_ and Newt’s dick twitches purposefully.

Newt quickly squirts some lube into his palm and coats his fingers with a practiced hand, “It’s kinda funny actually. I’m not used to doing this to someone else.” 

Hermann just whines and shakes his hips impatiently.

Newt leans down and lathers Hermann’s hole with his tongue one more time, sending a pleasant sensation up Hermann’s spine. 

Newt presses a biting kiss to his hip before gently prodding and rubbing his entrance with a slick finger, just sliding in the tip before swirling it around, as though he’s testing the waters.

Hermann hums out another contented note as his muscles relax in tandem and he melts into the mattress, “Oh, that’s very nice, dear,” he says into the comforter. Newt flushes before he presses his fingers in deeper with interest. 

Slowly, slowly, Hermann can feel every nerve in his body thrill and he can feel the slightest stretch before Newt finally breaches that spot inside of him that - 

“Ah!” Hermann yelps, his whole body jerking.

Newt freezes behind him, “Good noise or bad noise?”

“Er,” Hermann gasps, distracted by the still-present fullness of Newton’s finger inside of him, a familiar heat blooming in his hind quarters, “Good. Very good. Keep going. Er, please.”

It takes very little to convince Newt. He starts pumping in and out, slow but deliberate in his aim. With every push, he drags around and against Hermann’s prostate, teasing him and torturing him in equal measure, every touch rolling off his body in waves. It feels so different from the sensations Hermann’s been experiencing for the past few weeks, functionally the same action yet now made entirely new.

“Oh, dear,” breathes out of his mouth without warning, “Oh - Oh, I mean - That’s erm…” Hermann sucks in a deep breath as the soft pad of Newt’s finger reaches a new depth inside of him that makes him want to _keen._ “Fuck, Newton - _Ah!”_ He cuts himself off with a shout.

Newt pushes his finger all the way in and rocks his fingers in circles around his prostate, squeezing the meat of Hermann’s ass with his other hand. “Ready for more?” Newt asks.

Hermann groans and shudders, hoping Newt will take that as sufficient response.

Newt teasingly slips another finger into Hermann, steadily increasing the speed as his slick fingers pump in and out of Hermann’s hole. When Newt’s dry thumb rubs up against his rim Hermann gasps with the delicious friction, something deep inside him lighting up with pleasure. He gasps, open-mouthed, and lets out the filthiest-sounding moan Newt’s ever heard.

“Oh, fuck - Right there!” Hermann gasps, throwing his head back and canting his hips up and back to meet Newt’s every time as he fucks his fingers into him over and over again.

Newt’s mouth waters at the sight of Hermann so unhinged, crying out rhythmically against his fingers, fighting to keep his eyes from crossing. Newt palms himself through his own boxers and groans.

Newt curls his fingers up gently, pushing and stroking inside Hermann again and again as he jerks and shudders with overwhelming sensation. His whole body succumbing to Newt’s ministrations, his knees go weak and his deep moans turn to high-pitched whines.

“Holy shit, man,” Newt says, more to himself than to Hermann, “I forgot you were so loud.”

Hermann can barely focus enough to ask, “Ngh - F-Forgot what, Newton?”

Newt freezes. 

“Oh, fuck,” Newt says, “Hermann, I totally forgot---There’s something you need to know before we go any further.”

He starts sliding his fingers out of Hermann, but Hermann darts his hand out and catches Newt’s wrist in a vice grip.

“Don’t stop,” says Hermann.

“Last week, when you-” Newt cocks his head to the side, “Wait, what?”

“Don’t stop, please,” he whines, rocking back pathetically on Newt’s still unmoving fingers, “You can talk and bugger me at the same time, can’t you? You’re a smart man. Put those PhDs to good use.”

Newt’s brain shuts down for a moment as he watches the corner of Hermann’s mouth curl up sanctimoniously. It’s pretty fucking hot. He fights the urge to lick into him again.

“Uh… right.” Newt swallows hard and obliges in earnest, pistoning his fingers back inside of Hermann at a reinvigorated pace. 

Hermann responds in kind, unleashing an array of shuddering moans and stretching out on the bed again, “You were - _ah!_ \- saying?”

Newt curses internally and wets his bottom lip, ready to pull the plug any second, “Okay. So, I sort of… recorded your audio last week,” he says loudly so as to be heard over Hermann, “When you were, uh, masturbating. And listened to it.”

Hermann startles, “Ah! Y - You WHAT?!” he asks, continuing to buck back onto Newton’s fingers.

”It was totally an accident! Well, the recording was an accident. The listening was on purpose.” He thinks for a second, “Do you want me to stop?”

Hermann could feel the hot, blotchy flush overtake the upper half of his body, but it was overshadowed by the feeling blooming at the base of his spine. 

“Ah! Ngh! N-no!” Hermann says, punctuating every thrust, “But I do want---oh Newton, oh right there---Ngk, oh just explain yourself!”

Newt grimaces, “I was just trying to record a specimen in the lab overnight and I guess I forgot to mention it to you. Then the next morning, when I played the recording back -”

“You heard everything?” Hermann gasps and shamefully feels a wave of heat overtake his body at the thought. His dick (nearly purple at this point) twitches purposefully against his stomach, lightly brushing the sheets underneath him. “Oh god,” he moans, half embarrassed and half aroused.

“It was crazy hot, if that makes you feel any better,” Newt curls his fingers inside of Hermann and he squeaks. “I didn’t realize what I was listening to at first, but when I did,” Newt groans a little with the memory, using his free hand to palm at his cock through his underwear, “Fuck, dude. You could do this for a living.”

Hermann lets out a hysterical moan, his hands white-knuckled into fists. “Really?” he asks shakily.

“Yeah man, you moan like a whore.” 

Hermann’s head whips around in offense, “Oh - really now, Newton!” 

He tries to frown indignantly but Newt changes the angle of his steady motions and Hermann yelps, clutching at the sheets and preening as his dick hardens impossibly more. He rolls his hips back for some leverage only to feel Newt’s tongue lathering at his entrance again, sending him into a fit of pleasant shivers.

“You’re so fucking sexy, Hermann,” Newt mouths as he licks along the outside of Hermann’s hole lecherously, “Just listening to you fuck yourself got me hard instantly, I could only listen for like a minute before I came all over myself.”

Hermann barely remembers to breathe, “Nng. You, er, touched yourself? Listening to me?” The question comes out petulant, but Hermann’s thrown decorum to the wind, his pleasure mounting rapidly. The coil of tension inside of him pulls tighter and tighter until suddenly, it snaps.

Newt easily slides in a third finger and Hermann all but screams, fucking himself back on Newt’s fingers as his orgasm overtakes him in an overwhelming wave of pleasure. He splatters cum all over the sheets, the sensation rippling through the rest of his body as Newt continues to ravish him through it, fucking deep inside of him.

Hermann’s wails and moans pierce the air as Newt wrings every last spurt of cum he can out of Hermann, only letting up on Hermann’s prostate after he clutches at Newts body and begs for mercy, pitiful little spurts of cum still ejaculating from his dick.

They separate themselves (with a heavy groan from now-empty Hermann) and fall back onto the sullied sheets of Hermann’s bed, careful to avoid the prominent wet spot, their breaths fall in line with each other.

It would have been a peaceful moment if not for Newt, who was trying to be subtle about very enthusiastically thrusting up into his own hand, asking if it was good for Hermann with a grin, already pretty confident of the answer.

“Oh, we’re not done yet, Newton.”

With the condom located (crumpled up in Newt’s left pocket) and Newton divested of the rest of his clothing, Hermann prepares to ride him. He straddles Newt on the bed, hands planted firmly on his soft chest to support his weight.

The idea was for Hermann to be in total control of the pace, taking it slow at first, but between the blissful post-orgasm fog still clouding his mind and the heat already building in his stomach, Hermann was unsure of how slow either of them would be able to bear.

“So, you’re not mad about the whole listening-to-you slash invasion-of-privacy thing?” Newt asks, rubbing the head of his cock against Hermann’s entrance.

“Oh. That.” Hermann says absentmindedly. He leans back into the contact, dipping the head of Newt’s cock into him experimentally. Peering at Newt through dark eyelashes, he shrugs one shoulder in a loose gesture. “Seems like an honest mistake t’me,” he mumbles, “and I suppose I would have done the same thing.” He quirks the side of his mouth up into a teasing smile, and Newt’s breath hitches in his throat.

“Cool,” Newt says, feeling something in his chest loosen gratefully, “That’s cool.”

Hermann sinks halfway down Newt’s cock and shudders. 

The soft muscles in his ass are still sensitive but relaxed enough now to stretch deliciously with every intrusion. Hermann languidly pulls his hips up, feeling the head of Newt’s cock drag along his insides, catching on the rim of his hole. He works himself open on Newt’s thick cock, pushing and pulling in shallow thrusts that send frissions up his back.

Newt holds tightly to the underside of Hermann’s ass, supporting Hermann’s weight as much as he can while mostly prone. Newt suppresses the urge to buck up into the tight, wet heat of Hermann’s hole and let it envelope him completely. 

When Hermann starts to ease his way further down, Newt can’t help but thrust up minutely. 

Hermann growls, “Oh, fucking hell.” 

He convulses slightly as he opens up a little further, relishing the sweet edge of friction he gets sliding down the shaft of Newt’s cock. With a grunt, he bottoms out. 

Newt moves Hermann’s hips against him in a circular motion, grinding his cock around inside of Hermann experimentally. He wails when Newt rocks against his prostate and he screams when Newt lifts him up and fucks up into him, he cries out when Newt bounces him up and down on his cock. 

Hermann screams so much and so intensely, the two of them almost miss the footsteps in the hallway.

“Shh!” Newt puts his hand over Hermann’s mouth. “Did you hear that?”

Hermann _hrphs_ in offense. Newt removes his hand.

“Sorry, I thought I heard -” 

Something crashes outside. A spike of panic goes through them both.

Newt clamps his hand down on Hermann’s mouth again. This time, Hermann bites him.

“Ow!” Newt whispers before quickly removing and snapping his hips back up into Hermann as revenge. 

Hermann _mewls,_ and it’s muffled by the hand but Newt’s pretty sure it’s still fucking loud. They both freeze and wait for a noise from outside that never comes.

Newt rakes his eyes back over Hermann. He’s draped his whole body over Newt, now blushing furiously. He’s staring at Newt like he wants him to do that again.

“Do that again,” Hermann says, muffled.

Newt blinks, feeling his dick harden further inside of Hermann. “Yes, sir,” he whispers, already lifting Hermann’s ass up with his free hand to drop him back down silently. Hermann clings onto his shoulders for dear life.

He bounces up and down gingerly on Newton’s cock, careful not to creak the bed or make any noise. Hermann’s heavy cock, slaps against Newton’s soft stomach a few times before Hermann grabs it himself, keening a little with the feeling. 

The task of regulating his noise level was proving much harder than Hermann had expected, little grunts and groans kept getting fucked out of him completely involuntarily. Newt changes his angle and Hermann tilts his head back and opens his mouth to scream.

“Oh, Newton!” is what Hermann means to say, but what comes out is closer to “Mghk, ngh!” as the hand covering Hermann’s mouth is replaced by fingers stuffing in the silky fabric of Newt’s ridiculous little tie. 

Hermann moans frantically around the makeshift gag as Newt grabs him by the hips and starts pounding into him, soft slaps echoing obscenely in the quiet. The loose, relaxed pleasure from earlier now replaced by hot sparks running up and down Hermann’s spine. He clenches around Newt’s cock involuntarily and Newt makes a choking sound.

“You tightened up,” Newt says under his breath, “You getting off on this, Herms?”

“Ngh!” says Hermann, already beginning to leak again.

Newt could feel himself getting wound up, his body hot and panting with the effort as his fingertips press bruises against Hermann’s pale hips. His cock felt like it was on fire, Hermann’s body squeezing hot and tight around him on the right edge of too much.

Hermann screams around Newt’s tie, his hands scrabbling for purchase on Newton as he fucks him deeper and harder than before. Hermann looks gorgeous, completely unhinged and uninhibited for Newt as he impales himself on his cock.

“Mghm mhf,” Hermann says in a growl that sounds a lot like “Touch me,” and Newt’s never been one to shy away from Hermann’s orders.

“You got it, baby,” Newt licks his lips and brings his hand back from around Hermann’s hip, gently stroking at his cock, painfully hard already, leaking so much precome it practically dribbles out with Newt’s extra touches. 

Hermann shudders, grappling for leverage on the bed as he alternates between thrusting up into Newt’s torturously loose grip and bucking back against Newton’s cock. Hermann screams in anguish. Newt bites his free hand to keep from crying out with him.

Dragging a finger around the tip of Hermann’s already sensitive dick, Newt gathers precome to slicken the handjob, tugging sloppily at Hermann’s dick again, roughly this time. Newt lifts Hermann’s hips off the bed, angling his hips to reach deeper inside of Hermann and he nearly cries.

Newt drags his hard cock back and forth inside Hermann’s wet, overused hole, the tension building in Newt’s gut a little more, the cord pulling a little tighter.

Hermann opens his legs for Newton as wide as he can, spearing himself back on Newton’s cock twice more before emitting a muffled wail. “Mmhkph!” Hermann cries out, hysterical as Newt fucks him into a full-body orgasm, heat and lust overtaking his body, convulsing and clenching around Newton’s dick. A wail unhinges itself from deep inside his chest and echoes off the walls. 

His dick spits cum in spurts all over Newt’s tattooed chest and stomach, painting him from chest to navel with Hermann’s jizz. Newt, so close to the edge, keeps going even after Hermann has ridden out his orgasm, fucking Hermann well past the point of oversensitivity. Hermann keens as his body wracks with aftershocks, toes curling into the sheets.

“Oh fuck, Hermann, I’m close - I’m close!” Newt’s voice is strangled and his face is screwed up, grunting maniacally against Hermann’s shoulder, “I’m gonna - fucking - _Oh, shit!_ ”

Newt can only thrust into him a few more times before his orgasm overtakes him, Hermann’s clenching hole wrenching the cum right out of him. He empties himself inside of Hermann, enough that he can already feel it dribbling out of the condom as he pushes into him a few last times.

“Oh, fuck,” groans Newt, rolling them over so that he could collapse on top of Hermann. “That was fucking intense.” He tugs the silk bundle of fabric out from Hermann’s mouth.

“Yes,” Hermann purrs in agreement, gently carding his fingers through Newt’s hair. Newt shivers. “Same time next week?” he asks.

This time when Newt kisses him, it’s with a promise on his lips.

“Did you order a package?” Newt asks from Hermann’s doorway, clad only in boxers and a sweatshirt stolen from Hermann’s closet.

“What? No.” says Hermann, who was currently very busy lounging naked on his bed and wondering how likely it was that Newt would be up for another round tonight.

“Well in that case,” Newt returns, now brandishing a sleek black box, “I think this is the vibrator _I_ ordered last week. Oh shit, this probably got delivered while we were -”

“Vibrator?” asks Hermann.

“Yeah, I got a really good deal and uh,” Newt trails off when he sees how Hermann’s leering at him. He feels a burgeoning awareness of how thin these boxers really are, “I don’t suppose you’d want to… take it for a test run?”

Hermann smiles, his eyes flicking down over Newt’s colorful chest and his deliciously thick thighs. “Oh, Newton,” he says before leaning down and covering his mouth in a kiss, “I thought you’d never ask.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like to think that PPDC mailroom worker is only a little scandalized. Thanks for reading :) I hope you liked it.
> 
> Big thanks again to @LinkisaNerd for editing this chapter!!
> 
> Come chat with me at @drsgeiszlergott on twitter, or my nsfw twitter @bigdickhermann for more smut peddling - I draw a lot too!


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